Top 10 Reasons Why

For anyone who may be considering the idea of getting a puppy, maybe I can be of some help to you. I have come up with a list of the top 10 reasons why you should NEVER get a dog. If you are an animal lover, it would be wise to stop reading now.

Reason #1: After bringing your adorable little puppy home, you will spend at least one week of sleepless nights. The thing will yap and whine all night long, and your neighbors will open their windows and curse at you, telling you to shut your dog up.

Reason #2: Once the puppy has learned to not whine all night, you will think things are going pretty good. You are both learning the routine, and it seems like having a dog won't be so bad after all. And then the nightmare begins.

Reason #3: Your kids tricycles will be demolished. The dog will chew holes through the tires, and mutilate the pedals.

Reason #4: You can NEVER leave anything outside. Your kids will have a friend over, and the dog will get ahold of the friends sandal completely chewing it apart. Which, of course, now you will have to replace the friends sandal.

Reason #5: You will find that the dog is really bored because you can't possibly find time to take it on walks or play with it when you are trying to make 3 little kids happy, healthy, and well-fed all day. So to keep himself busy, he will chew off the corners of the door mat, fling his dog and water bowls all over the yard (which will break, so you'll end up buying 2 or 3 until you finally find one that is indestructible), dig holes in every last square inch of your yard, rip apart your plants and trees, chew on your air conditioning hoses, squeeze through the fence into the neighbors yard, chew up all your BBQ utensils, and the list goes on and on.

Reason #6: Yes, there are still 4 more reasons. Pretty soon, the dog will be so stinkin big that he will dominate the backyard. Your kids will go outside to play, and 2 seconds later they will be screaming and crying because the dog has knocked them down, bit a whole in their shirt, or nibbled on one of their limbs.

Reason #7: Because you are a mother bear who wants to protect her poor innocent children, you will go outside and (watch out, here comes the abuse) kick the dog, smack the dog on the nose, and growl and yell in the manliest voice you have ever heard come out of your mouth.

Reason #8: Before you know it, you and your husband will both be losing it. In fact, your husband will be forced to take pretty desperate measures to stop the digging. He will wrap your plants with chicken wire, and then lay chicken wire down on the lawn to stop the madness!

Reason #9: You will look out your window to find your husband yelling at the dog, chasing the dog around the yard (in a full sprint) and tackling him to the ground as if playing football...but it's not in a playful manner at all. Your husbands hand will be so sore after such attack, that he will think his hand is broken and you will have to pay money to see the doctor and take x-rays of said hand. Did I mention the number of times your husband will walk in the back door sweating, out of breath, and with blood on his shirt????

Reason #10: Once you find yourself muttering obscenities under your breath because you are so sick of cleaning dog poop off your kids shoes, you and your husband will come to the conclusion that getting a dog was probably the stupidest decision you've ever made. You will then get rid of the dog, and be the HAPPIEST WOMAN ON EARTH!


So long Leo, it's been fun (well, not really, but I'm trying to be nice)